I have long been told that it is important to have vision for one’s future but that it is a lot more important who, rather than what, one becomes.

I remember, when first preparing to complete my undergraduate studies, wondering what – if I could do anything in the world professionally – should be my dream. I asked myself whether it would be better to aspire to be a journalist like Diane Sawyer or some pioneer Senator. And I felt something along the lines of the latter would be the more desirable ambition for me personally. But after a Capitol Hill internship largely defined by an evacuation on 9/11 and later anthrax worries, I decided (and was blessed with an opportunity) to learn about political journalism in the television world and, for awhile, never looked back. My first day walking in the doors of the news organization’s headquarters was the day a teenage girl who had famously gone missing was found alive. I believe the flurry of news that day, and all the guarded but undeniable joy that accompanied it may be a permanent memory.

But I did not know that it would be the story and flourishing of a hero like this woman, and others – but no journalistic celebrity – that would serve as the most inspirational guideposts in my journey during that period. Two years into my experience in television, where I had felt fulfilled and looked forward, I became ensnared in a seemingly intractable situation after accepting a job offer without a sufficiently informative interview in a request that I consider rescinding my acceptance of a position based in New York I had long sought immediately after receiving a marriage proposal.

I was devastated inside when my boyfriend delivered the news that his boss, who was a senior executive in our company, wanted me to join her team. The interview that followed consisted of almost no information about the new job, but I knew it would likely not be desirable. (After we both applied much earlier, this man had been warned by his boss not to take it, although I did not know why this was aside from complaints from her about a manager being reassigned to head up the new sub-team on which I would be working.) I was told our network had decided not to film an episode of Larry King Live in order to make my engagement day more smooth and, afterward, I reasoned – wrongly and in a pivotal moment – that giving up a dream job was something a newly engaged woman should be willing to do. I don’t think any moment in my life has ever felt more wrong. After being offered the talk show team job, I explained that I valued my relationship with my boss, who had recently offered me a transfer I’d persistently requested to New York, which I’d accepted with enormous enthusiasm; but my boyfriend’s boss emphasized that this was for her to handle and that I should not worry about him. This was said with considerable contempt for my boss. The engagement ended and relationship changed almost immediately, the talk show job surprised and felt wrong to me, and I had no idea it would be made difficult to leave. I was often offered what would seem like a plum perk, such as the opportunity to report on air, which I declined to do, but it was difficult to be met with serious and loud anger whenever I expressed that I really wanted to return to a role that felt right for me. I had requested a move to New York largely in order to retain my independence from my relationship but now did not feel sure about what to do as I had also agreed to sign a lease I could not afford without help my boyfriend promised but never delivered. I was 24 but dealing with serious stressors, worrying about things as absurd as how long it might be before my requests to be able to return to a normal job would be heard, and feeling almost unbearably cold as one of the only things I found to help reduce the stress of not knowing how long it would be until I would get out of the situation was to run long distances frequently. As a result of becoming very thin, I seemed to feel cold almost all of the time.

My former boyfriend, with whom I had been on equal footing before joining his team, would pressure me and my family aggressively when he worried I might be dating but disappear for months on end without goodbye or warning. When we learned my new job would be wrong for me and part of a surprise network relaunch, he said he would advocate for me to be released back to a normal job like my normal one but ended up bragging instead about finally being able to identify with the Rolling Stones song Under My Thumb when it appeared I would not be able to get away from his team easily. After seeing the first episode of the program to which I would be assigned, I had told his boss I was shocked by just about everything about the new job and very much wanted to return to normal work; but she did not help.

I would frequently be questioned about my beliefs regarding my relationship, especially regarding my willingness to believe my boyfriend’s words about his feelings for me regardless of his behaviors, indicating this would be a way I could prove to him that I had not been damaged by my parents’ divorce when I was a child. I found myself working hard to convince both myself and him that I could do this, which kept alive a glimmer of hope that he would keep his word and help me be released from his team back into a role better resembling my normal job.

Early on, when I questioned whether we should be getting married at all, my boyfriend intimidated me by alerting me he had told his boss, who was suddenly now my boss, about this. This was terrifying as, between the two of us, only he knew her in person and he told me encouraging marriage was important to her. Abusive behavior began that I will not detail but that I did report eventually. Although I am an artist and writer, I, notably, found it almost impossible to pick up a paintbrush or write anything valuable during this period.

I did articulate the end of the relationship (embarrassingly, I much later openly questioned this decision) and was almost immediately offered a very good job with another organization in Boston, but I did not believe that I needed to leave my city, company, and television career in order to return to a regular life and, regrettably, declined. My primary focus in the proposed role, to start, was meant to be to help produce the story of a kidnapped reporter who’d recently been released. Although I let this opportunity pass by, and I never learned how ready this reporter felt to talk about her experience, hearing her account ended up being meaningful to me personally as, even though our situations were very different, she articulated feelings I had not realized anyone else had felt.

A human resources representative alerted me that the team lead to whom my boyfriend’s boss had assigned me was abusing his position, assuring me she would work to help me separate from him. (I had been told that the reason the new project had been undertaken in first place was to separate this person from the Larry King Live team due to complaints, and many of my colleagues were also going to considerable lengths in attempts to leave.) The HR representative suggested I apply for what was then termed CNN’s Passport program as a route back to a normal job but, while I was alerted by this merit-based program’s administrators that I had been selected as their top choice candidate, they reported to me that I would not be given the opportunity because the person whose behavior the HR department reported to me, and which I believe the Larry Ling Live team had referenced to me, objected to my leaving his team for any period. The human resources representative soon told me she would be prevented from helping me further in any way, also at this person’s request. Abusive behavior worsened. It would be some time before I gave notice and for many years I never reported a significant problem working in media again, even though my concerns had been major and included open talk about what sounded to me like a possible physical murder, immediately followed by intense pressure by the perpetrator to meet alone at my hotel room alone for no said reason, but presumably to address what I had heard. I did not agree to meet with him, which he indicated to me was wrong, and I changed careers for a period.

I tell an abbreviated version of this experience as I hope more people will be aware of why a colleague may report a problem to a company (they don’t want to), why they may ask colleagues for any opportunity – including any demotion – to leave their current role, and why a normally independent, bubbly colleague may become all but silent for a period of months or years. I had loved my life before agreeing to work for the Larry King Live organization.

I believe there are similar problems to be aware of in many work environments but, especially on any team allowed by an organization to liquidate what could be called legitimate brand equity for the sake of what are termed tentpole productions. Increasingly, I believe such environments can be reasonably analogized to what are termed paper parks in conservation – only it is creativity that would seem most vulnerable.

I’m grateful for the people whose examples prove that moving forward productively by becoming more empathetic, more brave, and more humbly reliant on an inward sense of what is right is possible for every person.