I am not sure I have ever been more worried about a decision in my professional life than I have been about determining whether – and how – to talk about my latter years in television in a request that women’s rights be more fully acknowledged there.

But, the more that, with every heartbeat, I felt like the whole of my being told me more and more emphatically, more and more urgently, that this matter needed to be addressed – my questions narrowed to how and when to do so.

While I do not believe I have necessarily answered either of these questions fully, I felt relieved, at least to a degree, after speaking up in 2017. (I had previously attempted to address the matter impersonally in 2016 by proposing a business model I felt would potentially be more conducive to safety and ethics in journalism.) But today, I wonder, why during the women’s movement, did it feel impossible to find anyone to listen? Was it because I proposed a solution?

Regardless, as I have continued to work to help surface healing and solutions generally, something surprising has happened. Whereas, because of my experience before, I worried I would be in terrible danger, I have felt more aware than ever of the compassion and embrace of at least a small number of individuals.

After having spoken semi-publicly, even though I still believe organizations that do not protect women’s rights need to be held accountable, I find myself wondering, why do I feel better and not worse?

While I have long had an idea, of course, of how it is that at least attempting to do what is right comes with a sense of relief, of protection, and of love, these feelings have been so strong, I am still left with the answer: I’m not sure I fully know.

But I know I’m grateful.